As our family grew, we often found ourselves in uncharted waters, facing behaviors and situations we had never anticipated. As parents, we have always tried to follow God and listen to the wisdom of others, whether it is by reading a book, listening to a sermon series on parenting, or asking our own parents for advice.
We tried our hardest with tools that worked beautifully with our biological daughter, yet everything was still falling apart at the seams. As we did that, God opened my eyes to the world of trauma-informed care. It also opened the door to realizing my own adult attachment issues as a result of my childhood traumas.
This gave me the framework that I needed to adjust our approach and address my own issues so that our family could begin to thrive. It was hard and humbling to admit that what we had done and known as parents were failing, and we needed a new toolbox of resources to be successful.
Many of our children have experienced trauma that impacts their thoughts, feelings, and actions in ways that may seem puzzling or frustrating to us. But God calls us to look deeper and seek understanding with His help. My husband and I began to seek out a deeper understanding of the impact of trauma on development, behaviors, and neurobiology.
We learned to soften our voices, to sit beside our girls instead of standing over them, to give them a voice, to compromise, allow choice, and many other valuable tools that helped to reduce the chaos in our home and help our girls feel loved, seen, and understood. We needed to follow the Lord into this new world of understanding because it was the only way we could be useful tools for Him to unlock their hearts and potential. As we submitted our family direction to Him, He showed us new ways to act and interact through trauma-informed science and understanding.
