When a new client comes through my door and reports feeling worthless, useless, and powerless, I seek understanding. More often than not, these individuals state they suffer from anxiety and depression.
Sadly, many have lost meaning to their lives. After finding the root cause, I discover that most have experienced some form of verbal abuse. Most of these exchanges are frequently subtle and become more intense over time. In healthy relationships, partners assertively communicate in order to be heard and understood; in unhealthy relationships, the abuser avoids all forms of communication.
It is important to note that no matter how hard the partner tries to please their abuser, it will never be enough because the abuser does not care about the other being understood, they only care if they are respected, praised, and their needs are met.
The following are ten patterns of behaviors which are common in verbally abusive relationships as defined by Evans These should help you clarify whether or not you are being verbally abused. This type of abuse is often subtle and increases over time.
You will notice that some are more obvious than others:. Withholding Withholding information and a failure to share thoughts and feelings is one sign of a verbally abusive relationship. The abuser withholds information and refuses to engage with their partner. Feelings or thoughts are denied. There is a lack of empathy or intimacy in the relationship. Countering is a tendency to be argumentative.
