My marriage came apart in January this year, and life as I knew it disappeared. We agreed to separate, and I left America, my home for 24 years, running away to Marrakech. Those first few months I drowned the pain of my divorce in parties and fun. My days were filled with making new friends, having dinners on rooftops that ended with dancing half the night away. When it became too overwhelming, I would jump on a plane to London , my hometown, where my family and oldest friends helped bring me back to reality.
Although there were moments of joy at the freedom I now had, there were also moments of intense grief. I thought I would be married for the rest of my life. I loved my husband, but over our 18 years together we had grown far apart, and wanted very different things out of life. Our split was amicable, but I had moments of utter terror β how would I cope as a single woman in my 50s?
Was I crazy to start a new life alone at this stage? I had been through divorce before. My first marriage ended when I was My four children were all aged six and under, so my focus had been entirely on them. This time, after years of feeling constrained, restricted, of living a small suburban life that felt completely wrong once my children left home, this butterfly was finally unpinned.
With this came a curiosity about dating and dating apps. By early summer, I gave in to that curiosity. I had, after all, watched every one of my newly single friends jump straight on the apps. While married I let my hair grow silver, happily, but quickly realised how ageing grey appears in the world of dating.
I dyed it back to its once-natural brunette. Jane downloaded Hinge after her marriage came apart in January and flew to Lisbon to meet up with one of her matches, who was ten years younger than her. Jane said she received likes from an inordinate number of 20 and somethings on Hinge. Then I signed up for Hinge, crafting a profile I thought was pretty accurate. I went to bed feeling rather pleased and woke up the next morning to discover 12 men had liked it.
